Relationship Rigmarole

I have had this thought for a while. Every time I have come across this situation, I ponder over it but as soon as the situation changes, I conveniently forget about it. I always tell myself that I'll write a blogpost on it after I discuss about this with others and take their feedbacks and try to incorporate it into the post. But, eventually I forget about it and do nothing about it. Finally, I have remembered it and discussed about it with some of my buddies and now, I am writing the post.

Its about the relationship that comes to be, between these two things in our lives. Butt-cheeks and toilet seats. If you already know what I am going to say, either I have had a chat with you or the both of us are in the same wavelengths. We should meet. Especially, if you're a chick. If you're a dude, that's okay too. We can always discuss such enlightening thoughts over a beer!

No, Seriously! Let's say you go out of town for a conference or just visiting some friends or relatives. Let's say you have to drop a deuce. The bathroom might look "exactly" like the one you are used to, everyday. But, as soon as you sit down for business, your butt-cheeks immediately know they are in an alien environment.. They'd be like, "Ay! Where the hell am I? How come I didn't get the memo about the trip out of town? Did you all - the rest of the body parts - know about this? I am not familiar with this seat".

What is this relationship your ass-cheeks develop with the toilet seat? I mean, come on!! Its like, your butt is some sort of lie detector. You can fool all your senses into believing that you ARE in your own bathroom, but the butt-cheeks would have none of that crap (pun intended!).

As I brought this brilliant thought of mine up with a few of friends and colleagues a couple of days ago, (and you wonder why the hell am I still in grad school?), the most common and immediate reaction I got was, "ohhh yeah, dude. You're right! It crossed my mind, too, sometime ago!!" Usually, the follow-up would be, "Yo! that's gross" or "That's hilarious dude". Either which way, I have brought it to your attention.. Admit it if you have had this thought as well.. come on, its okay!!

Le français a perdu la coupe du monde

We are like this only - Part I

Yesterday, Batman and I were at the Indian Consulate in NYC to renew our passports. I know I have not been home in 5 years and 9 months and every time I have discussions on India or anything related to everyday life in India, I am quickly reminded that I do not have grasp of the changed India, with its tachno-savvy new breed, and the countless flyovers and wide-open highways. The soul of a nation does not change in 6 years. Deep rooted traditions and societal make-ups don't change with the flip of a switch. I know my country has its share of troubles and problems, with a lot of its residents struggling for 3 square meals a day. I hope to go back to India when I graduate. Some have asked me the reasons. I don't think I have a reasonable reason beyond, "Because, It is my country". No matter how long I stay in U.S. I'd never be able to associate myself to U.S. like I should. Pointy wrote on this using Major league soccer fans equivalent.

I digress. I just wanted to write on the sights and scenes at the Consulate. First up, As Batman and I were about to enter the passport division of the building, we made way for the family that was leaving the office. In the slightest space that was between us, a rather opportunistic gentleman squeezed in so that he could be ahead of us.. I felt nothing but humored by his apparent rush to get things done and not let that family through and walk behind us, like he should have!

An American lady was shouting at the woman working the information window. Apparently, her stupid (sic) secretary sent her VISA papers to the consulate instead of the travel agent and she wanted them back. The Info woman was trying to tell her how to get them and she wouldn't have any of it and instead.. "YOU LISTEN TO ME. I NEED MY PASSPORT. NOW. LET ME TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR". She could have easily sorted it all out if she would've been a little more patient and talk in a reasonable, not-so-rude tone. I hope she learned something from this.

I was waiting my turn to hand in the documents. My token # was 893 and the display at the office goes from 01 to 99. This one guy with #903 walks up to me while 93 was on the display to tell me that its his turn as 93 stands for 903.. Nice try buddy. After I told him that he shouldn't try that cheap trick on me, he walks away with a sheepish grin. He goes back to his spot in the line with a smile that smacked of, "I tried to pull a fast one and it didn't work".

I was told that they needed to check something about my passport and I missed the 11 AM deadline for same-day pick up of the new passport. While I was waiting for the checking to be done and pay the passport fees, a guy approached me and asked in broken punjabi about the procedure. He did not speak any English or Hindi. When I tried to explain it to him in either language, I just got a blank stare as reply. Although it wasn't his turn (#935) he quickly went to an open window, which prompted the next guy in line to inquire about #935. I told him, "He doesn't seem to understand the procedure, I explained it to him and I don't think he got it". Quickly came the retort, "Why can't I cut the line?". I told him #935 doesn't seem to be a literate and he doesn't have an idea of how to do it.. He deadpanned, "So?".

When I paid the fees and was told that, since I missed the 11 AM, i either have to come back the next day to pick it up or have it mailed. I told the person at the window that I am from out of town and I can't come back the next day and I needed the passport ASAP to get my other paperwork such as I-20 and I-9 taken care of. She said she can't do much about the deadline but however, I could have the passport mailed to me overnight for $15 more. As I was paying the extra money, another person who overheard part of the conversation, assumed that I was giving a bribe or something and goes on to comment "Oh yeah! Money talks", loud enough to be heard by me and as well as the person behind the window. I was thoroughly appalled with his questioning of both our integrities... I gave him the most disgusted look and told him that I was just paying the extra fee for overnight mail. He moves away without the slightest apology for having questioned the intergrity of two people. I mean, COME ON. I know there is corruption in a lot of places, but just plain assuming without any real basis???

Hi! My Name Is....

(what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. fricky dicky Slim Shady

I wish it were that easy. Easy as slim shady. You know how it is... Especially with people from South India.. We always find a way to screw up our last name, surname, family name (whaat???) and given name, first name etc.. Typically, South Indians, especially those from Tamil Nadu, go by one name (like the Brazilians.. :-) For example, Suresh, Ramesh and Karthik et al., and usually your dad's first name's first letter becomes your initial and that forms your name. In my case, J. Subash (J for Jayaraman and you may have noticed, the right spelling "Subhash" is not used in my name -- Another by-product of being from Tamil Nadu.

For the longest time, I went by J. Subash. Around 7th or 8th grade, my eldest brother thought of using our family's gotra "Bharadwaja" as surname to all of us in the family... so, my name became J. Subash Bharadwaj. So, in my high school mark sheets etc., my official name is J. Subash Bharadwaj. Then came the time in my third year in College to apply for my passport. Here comes the real trouble. The passport application had spaces for family name, surname and given names.. Now, that is worse than opening a pandora's box.. you never know what you end up being called the rest of your life. I'd have preferred to be called Subash Jayaraman Bharadwaj but now I go by Subash Bharadwaj Jayaraman.. which isn't too bad.

I first got my passport in August 1996 and it was valid for 10 years.. How quickly time has flown by. I am right now sitting in NJ at my buddy's place on my way to the Indian Consulate in NYC. Once again, the passport application form got me. All the mumbo-jumbo about surnames and family names got me confused but the age old trick of seeing what batman has done in his application came through..

While on the topic of filling out the Passport application, they needed 2 forms of proof of residence in U.S. Here we go! I never got a Driver's license and my state ID expired a while ago and I never bothered to renew it. The electric bill is in Batman's name and I share a line on Batman's cellular plan.. Now, What i got is lease agreement and Bank statement to show these folks in the consulate that I have been living in State college, PA for the past few years.. Let's see how that works out...

My Hometown

I was born in a tiny little town called Polur in TamilNadu and moved to Vellore, which was about 50 kilometers away when I was 12. Ever since that, I have called Vellore my home. There are some distinguishing characteristics of Vellore.. It came into national prominence in the mid 1990's when about 50 LTTE detainees had dug a tunnel from their holding cells and made their way back to SriLanka. Any person from TamilNadu will readily identify Vellore by its "Central Jail" (more like a state penitentiary in U.S.).

There is a medical college-cum-hospital called the Christian Medical College and Hospital which is one of the very best hospitals in Asia for its facilities and the physicians and surgeons. It also holds a special place in my heart as my dad was taken there for treatment and rehab when he suffered a stroke.

One more piece of fact that is not very well known about Vellore is that, it was the venue of the first known organized rebellion against the British Empire. The war for independence when Jhansi Rani and others took part and fought against the British in 1857, is what is usually referred to as the "First war of Indian Independence". Efforts are underway by the Indian Government to commemorate the 150th anniversary of that great struggle. The TamilNadu government however went ahead and decided to commemorate the 200th anniversary of the struggle in Vellore, known as "Vellore Mutiny" by releasing a postal stamp, depicting the fight that happened in Vellore Fort.

There was an article on BBC about this and it was also reported in it that "south India's participation in the Indian independence struggle is neither recognised nor recorded". I necessarily do not agree with that. I studied mostly in the central board of education, and there was a fair recognition of sipoy mutiny in the history textbooks. I can understand that it is not accorded similar sort of reverence as war of 1857 due to their differences in magnitude and the collective effect the war had on the populace. However, any rebellion against oppression is still a remarkable endeavor and the sipoy mutiny was one of the first historically recorded outbursts against the British rule in India.

Of all the leaders of the Indian freedom struggle, there are very few nationally recognizable names from South India. That is not to say that the efforts of the people from south India were any less. One of the brightest was Dr. Rajagopalachari ("Rajaji") who served as the Governor General till India was officially a republic and then, in Pandit Nehru's cabinet. I guess, if you grew up in the South, you came to know and read about a lot more of the freedom fighters from South India, along with all the luminaries across the great nation.

Talking about textbooks, do any of you have access to the history textbook from class IX (C.B.S.E)? It was one of the best I have ever had. It provided the history of ancient, medieval and modern India, alon with the cultural heritage of India -plus - the world history as well. A marvellous textbook. Really. If you do have it or have anyone you know has it, I'd like to buy/borrow it from you.. let me know.

There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip

It was bright Sunday afternoon when something that has not been achieved in a long time came to fruition. On July 02, 2006, Team India won a meaningful away series, when it beat West Indies by 44 runs at Sabina Park, Jamaica. It has been coming for a long time. The 1997 collapse at Barbados while chasing 120 runs for a momentus victory immediately comes to mind. A victory at Sydney in January 2004 would have shut the Aussies up for good, but for valiant knocks by Tugga and Katich. Lack of match winning bowlers in overseas conditions and top order batsmen who had the stomach for a fight were put forth as reasons for India's poor showing in alien conditions. In the last 4 years with Dravid reaching the peak of his batting prowess coupled with Sehwag's agression, and the infusion of young fast bowlers -- add to it the old war horses, Sachin and Anil, it seemed like it was just a matter of time before India broke through. However, it wasn't to be.

Another thing happened on that summer afternoon as well. Penn State Cricket Club, after laboring through three years of growing pains, finally won its division outright in its fourth year of existence. By beating Nova CC by 45 runs in a rain-shortened match, PSCC collected a total of 11 points won the WMCB Main-League South Money-Matter trophy and qualified for the semifinals outright. Some of the club members from 2003 when the club came into being in its current avatar, were there to see their efforts come to fruition, including Gautam, Rohan, Shiv, Ramesh, Vivek and yours truly. Last year due to circumstances beyond our control, the trophy slipped away from us. Sure - we had the ball bounce our way this season, but it was a good team effort that made this happen. Words are not enough to describe the enthusiasm and efforts of all the members who have represented before and continue to do so. It has been the pure passion of the members for the game of cricket has kept the club going for the last four years and I sincerely hope it would continue to be so.